This is a sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Dammit 2

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Hugh and Stephen are in an office. Hugh is finishing a phone conversation.

Hugh
Right. Much obliged for your time, Keith.

Puts phone down.

Dammit.
Stephen
What?
Hugh
It's pretty much as we feared, John.
Stephen
Yeah?
Hugh
Only a whole heap worse.
Stephen
Suppose you start from the beginning.
Hugh
Not much to say. Seems that twenty minutes ago, our time, Derwent Enterprises went into liquidation.
Stephen
What?
Hugh
Keith called a couple of hours ago from Helsinki.
Stephen
But that was Keith just now, wasn't it?
Hugh
Yeah, just now our time. But he called a couple of hours ago his time.
Stephen
I see. And he called to say that Derwent has gone under?
Hugh
That's right.
Stephen
Damn!
Hugh
Damn it to damnation!
Stephen
Damn, blast, and two extra slices of buttered damn. Who else knows about this?
Hugh
It'll be all round town before you can say "Hell and double-blast, dammit to Hades twice."
Stephen
Hell and double-blast, dammit to Hades ...

The phone rings. Hugh picks it up.

Hugh
Yes.

He hangs up.

Derek knows.
Stephen
Dammit.
Hugh
If they pull on their options ... Christ it doesn't bear thinking about. This whole health club could go belly up.
Stephen
Right. I want to know who's behind them, I want to know who's pulling the strings, I want to know WHAT IN HELL'S NAME IS GOING ON.
Hugh
John, I do believe you're scared.
Stephen
You're damn right I'm scared, Peter. I sense Marjorie's hand in this.
Hugh
Marjorie?
Stephen
I never told you this, Peter, but when Marjorie left me I settled a block of shares on her and the boy.
Hugh
Shares in the health club? Were you out of your goddamned mind?
Stephen
In the club, no. I knew I couldn't trust her there. But I gave her shares in D-Tec.
Hugh
And you think ...
Stephen
Think? I don't think anything. There isn't time to think. There's only time to act.
Hugh
But is Marjorie really capable of pulling a scrimshaw trick like this?
Stephen
(Bitter laugh) Marjorie? She would float her own grandmother as a holding corporation, and strip her clean of preference stock if she thought it would hurt me.

Stephen picks up a framed photo of Marjorie and her son.

Three pints of damn and a chaser of hellblast!!
Hugh
What about the boy, John?
Stephen
The boy's Dennis, Peter.
Hugh
No. What about the boy.... John.
Stephen
Leave the boy out of this, Peter. He's only a boy.
Hugh
Something I've always wondered, John.
Stephen
Yeah?
Hugh
How come the boy has been living with Marjorie since the divorce?
Stephen
Hih. The court ruled that I was violent and unstable, an unfit father.
Hugh
You, John? That's a damned laugh. If they had seen the way you've parented this company ...
Stephen
Well, Marjorie told this story ... one night I came home, I was tired, there was something about the way she looked at me, I sensed a mocking, a sneering ... I dunno, anyway I flipped ... emptied a bowl of trifle over her pretty little head.
Hugh
And she got custody.
Stephen
Very.
Hugh
John, it must hurt, not being able to watch Dennis grow up.
Stephen
Hurt? No. He's nothing to me now.
Hugh
Oh yeah, John? So how come every year on his birthday you take him down to London to see Phantom of the Opera?
Stephen
I do that because I hate him.
Hugh
Fair enough.
Stephen
But I give Marjorie due warning ... if she wants a fight, then by God she's going to get one!
Hugh
And the prize, John?
Stephen
As big as they get, Peter. The entire leisure market in the Uttoxeter catchment area goes to the winner. No strings attached.

Picks up photo of Marjorie.

Why can't you leave me alone?
Hugh
John, what was it you once said to me about perspective?
Stephen
Er ... I seem to remember asking you how it was spelt....
Hugh
No, no, after that.
Stephen
What are you saying to me, Peter?
Hugh
I'm saying, John, I'm saying, I'm saying ... dammit I'm saying I'mhere, Marjorie's a hundred and fifty miles away her time, if we can't fight this bastard son of a mongrel bitch then we aren't the team who weathered the Babylex crisis and came up smelling of roses. That's what I'm saying.
Stephen
Peter, you're right. Call Ipswich now, your time and tell them Derwent Enterprises or no Derwent Enterprises this Health Club is in business and stays in busines.
Hugh
And if Marjorie should call?
Stephen
Marjorie? Never heard of her.
Hugh
Dammit John, I love you when you're flying.

Stephen speaks into an intercom.

Stephen
Sarah, bring in a pot of hot strong coffee and a dozen memo pads. (Intercom off) Now, let's get the hell out of here before they arrive.

Vox Pop

Hugh
I don't really believe in all this fuss about clouds of radioactive dust. It'll all blow over before long, I'm sure of it.