HE WON'T SLAP ME!
Went out drinking last night to the Oran Mor (Or 'Orange Whore' as it's also known) in Glasgow's west last night. It's a crap place but it's close to my work and also seems to consistently serve up splendidly tasty barmaids. There were two on last night where especially nice: one looked like Nelly Retardo and the other had a push up bra that was way too small.
After drinking too much and planning trips to lap dancing clubs, me and Tom went to Jack McFee's (a chippy that Tom told me has made him vomit around 5 times and yet he still goes back) for a chip supper. When we got there there were a group of students in high spirits with one of them (a rather hot girl) complaining to anyone who would listen that despite slapping her friend 8 times in the face, he kept refusing to slap her back. To demonstrate this, the slapped him proper hard in the face and he just smiled sweetly. Being the gent that I am, I suggested he spank her on the toosh, as some kind of happy medium and both of them seemed very pleased with the results.
Those crazy students.
When I woke up this morning, Jane told me the I'd been having sex dreams because apparently half way through the night I started saying: "OK, so I'll photograph you after college then? In a bikini!" and then proceeded to hump Jane's leg.
None of this has anything to do with BMX, although I have just got the latest edition of Dig and it's a frickin' beaut. If Will Smyth (the editor) was here in front of me, I would quote the policeman at the beginning of Pixar's last film: "Well done Mr Incredible, you've done it again!"