PANTO NOT POLITICS – LIES NOT THE TRUTH

I’ve not pissed myself laughing for so long. It’s just what I needed after a dreary January. Labour’s Spring conference with Bambi’s keynote speech was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in ages. Amando Ianucci and Chris Morris must be choking on their own scripts after watching Labour’s The Day Today-esque “Forwards Not Back” show.

Have I woken up in some alternate reality where everyone is a fucking moron?

I always thought Labour party members were sort of dullards but I never thought of them as actually mentally retarded. What else can you surmise from the conference speech?
Commentators have been quick to pounce slating the People’s Party for a missing verb, arguing in truly tedious self-smug “East Shoots & Leaves” sort of a way that it should be: "Britain forwards not backwards".

Once the grammarians have untied their knickers maybe someone will realise that this is void of content. It’s full of short microbites of nothingness…

“Forwards not back.

Forwards and up, up into the sky.

Blue skies, no clouds.

A partnership.

Forward together.

It’s your choice.

Bad things not good.

Howard is a cunt.

Inflation low, smiles high.

Children happy, too many old people.

Families laughing.

Poverty dead.

White people not black.

The rule of law.

Sort of.

A police state, run locally.

Poodles, well groomed.

Liberties, of a kind.

Forwards.

We can’t promise paradise, or even to act legally.

But we can make progress (into Iran).”

Read Bambi’s full speech here (incontinence pads required).