A line on a radio phone-in...

Once I sat listening to an annoying late night phone in on a local radio near Skelmersdale. The discussion was all about flying sauces, UFOs and little green men. The listeners had to listen to a so called expert, Edward Lorringthwaite, discuss the day that he was abducted while standing on the railway station platform at St Helens Central. This is such a ridiculous story as, and everyone knows this, the only abduction that has taken place at a rail way station in the area was in Prescott. It was a good friend of mine, Rocky Thomas, who claimed to have been abducted by strange beings whose bright flashing blue lights blinded him. He can remember nothing of what happened while he was abducted, but - somehow - a judge passed a sentence on him. He had to pay £400 fines for drunken behaviour, calling policemen names and trying to urinate on a power line.

When I got on the radio and told the story, I was asked if I believed in UFOs and little green men, I said, 'No, but I have seen a dwarf dressed up in bondage gear standing on Preston Station platform trying to assault a friend who he had zipped into a large holdall.'