Last weekend before Christmas
Its the last weekend before Christmas and for the first time I'm totally organised, although I wouldn't quite say prepared. The kids presents are bought and hidden away, cards have been sent out to friends and relations, the house is as tidy as its ever been (although no tree this year), bills have been paid and it is great to just relax with the boys, go to the movies, play around and chill out together. A great feeling you would think, not quite..I have a knot in my stomach which has been growing bigger all week, my oldest boy has been sullen and snappy and the youngest wondering whats wrong with him. He knows whats wrong but he cant tell, whats wrong is that I'm going to prison this week and wont be back for a good few months.
It's not my first time in prison but my third, and they have all been this year. My offence? I wont go into too much detail just now but it was a road traffic crime and no one was injured.The first time was when I was charged and took to court the next day, I was refused bail. It took my lawyer two weeks to get me out. Two weeks in Barlinnie not really knowing from one day to the next what was going on. I then spent a few months waiting for the hearing. I plead guilty and was sent to prison. I then appealed the severety of sentence and a short time later, about a month actually, I was released pending the appeal which is this week. I do not expect the sentence to be reduced to a non -custodial one.
No, it has not been a good year so far, but you have to remember no matter how bad things are going... they can always get worse !! So, off I go again, into the unknown, where I will go? I dont know, not up to me. I will be prisoner number such and such and i will do whatever they tell me untill they let me out and I can return to my life. Follow the path of least possible resistance, just try and get by, try to get on with my fellow prisoners and hope I can keep my head straight and not get too down. I plan to keep a journal, which with help from a guy we hope to keep here. Its not really about me, but just a journey through a prison sentence.